My family of origin was nothing but an abusive cult, and i was the scapegoated child who got blamed for everything and still gets the blame. Even after walking away from them physically and  literally cutting out all my ties. I was physically, mentally, psychologically and even sexually abused and nobody even bat and eye and everybody joined in or stayed silent while they went about their lives telling me to be grateful for everything that I had.

 I was always told that I was in the wrong and they were the truth tellers. The worse abuser was my mother and still pretends that she is the victim in all of this. The next in line is my older sister and my brother has always been a willing participant. He had so much guilt that he accused me of being a horrible person and swore me off from his life not ever wanting to do anything with me. It is obvious, he just cant handle his own truth and does not want to admit how abusive he has been to me all along only to appease our mother and older sister. 

  Our father and younger sister just passively watched and at times tried to put out the fire while they exactly knew what has happened and now want me to forget and move on. The joke is on them , I have moved on completely and the only way for me to heal is to move out of the toxic space. 

 In a way they are all part of a system a very toxic one, and they will all stay there until it all implodes because the scapegoat is gone and there is nobody to project their anger, guilt and shame upon. And now they have to deal with their own demons and that is too much for them to handle. 

  What I am left with is hyper vigilance, the anger , the disorganized attachment the complex PTSD , the abandonment issue, and the aloofness. It is a big mountain to climb and an uphill battle to fight, but it is either that or going back to the toxicity and drama and being pushed to either an early death by "natural causes," like my poor uncle or aunt or suicide like my beloved friend who I still ache and hurt by his departure, even though I feel his loving presence and protection in my daily life. It is as if I am fighting this battle for all those people before me who succumbed to death, because their soul just could not handle all this pain and trauma. I have come this far and I am not going to look back or take a step backward, it is a matter of life and death for me and I am going to fight for my life to my last breath. 

 Darkness will end, even the longest night of the year will finally succumbed to daylight as we learn in the winter solstice.  Know that you are loved beyond measure and you are always protected from the force of evil. Your purpose of life is to live your life to the fullest, and your best days are ahead of you. 

Your mother and the rest of the family will eventually implode and pay a price for all the evil that they have done to you . The price was to lose you to daylight , they can not handle it for it will make them blind and will make their hearts bleed. They are the agents of darkness and when they no longer can serve their master, they will be abandoned and let go and be on their own. And that will be the death of them, and let me tell you death is just the beginning of their troubles, for they have to repent their sins from here to the eternity.  

There is no need for revenge since living in your own truth and your best life is the revenge .  Remember anytime you succeeded in life how your success knocked the wind out of your mother. She was literally throwing up in the bathroom, suffering from migraine headache when you bought your own home.  Your sister kept telling you how she could not do it by herself and you are just different. 

 Remember that time in the vacation when you showed up all fit and trim and happy by yourself, from another stint in language immersion your sister got so angry at you that tried to ostracize you and pushed you to the point of getting angry and the blamed you for all that she had done. 

 They are all gone from your life and have to deal with their own miserable lives,,, oh sweet smell of success...  All that you have been through in life, and you are still standing and thriving...