Letting it all go…

Part of me knows that it’s finally time to let him go . But then maybe there is that part of me that wants to hold on to something that brings me joy in life , something that puts the smile on my face , something that finally makes me feel safe and secure..

Last night he gave a speech , as if we were having a big white wedding . Something that he wants , to show me off to the world . Unlike me who wants a very small affair in the middle of nowhere with just the two of us . 

 I want to hold on to him , at least for now . In the midst of all these unhappiness and chaos , and disappointment this is one thing that makes me feel good about myself and my life …

 The love that I have for him,  it’s so pure and unconditional. Even though he intentionally hurt me last year around this time and I left him and never really took him back …

It all sounds confusing maybe because it is .. 

 But he was the first person who came to my life and never wanted anything from me . He just wanted me to be happy , and thrive . I fell for him head over hills , because it was the first time that I saw love in action . 

 And he kept pushing me away and then chasing after me … or maybe it was me , not being able to let go ..

Who knows